That's What I Like About Texas !

 The Rules of Texas


1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight...it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your fancy car, so get out of the way.

3. They are cattle and oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. If you don't like the smell, it's helpful to know that I-20 and I-10 go east and west; I-35 goes north and south...please pick one.

4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly and we hope you understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. Hopefully, you won't have it up to your ear at that time!

7. Yep, we eat catfish and crawfish. If you really want sushi and caviar, it's available at the corner bait shop.

8. The "opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday closest to the first of November.

9. Texas men open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age and appearance.

10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order a Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

11.  Chili was born and bred in San Antonio, and real chili never met a bean.

2. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over lots of ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck and have long hair.

13. College and high school football are important here

14. Yes, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards...it spooks the fish.

15. Colleges? Try Texas A&M University, Texas Tech,and  the University of Texas (or any other one in our state). They come outta there with an education, plus a love for God and country and they still wave at passing pickups when they come home for the holidays.

16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines than any other state. So "Don't Mess with Texas." If you do, you will get whupped by the best.

17. Always remember what our great Governor, Sam Houston, once said: "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas!"

18.  By federal law, Texas is the only state in the U.S. That can fly its flag at the same height as the U.S. Flag. Think about that for a second. You fly the Stars and Stripes at 20 feet in Maryland, California, or Maine, and your state flag, whatever it is, goes at 17 feet. You fly the Stars and Stripes in front of Klein Oak High or anyplace else at 20 feet, the Lone Star flies at the same height - 20 feet. Do you know why? Because it is the only state that was a Republic before it became a state.


Things you need to know about living in Texas


1. A possum (or an armadillo) is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Texas.

3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in Texas.

4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite'cha.

5. 'Onced' and 'Twiced' are words.

6. It is not a shopping cart, it's a buggy.

7. 'Jaw-P?' means, 'Did y'all go to the bathroom?

8. People actually grow and eat okra.

9. 'Fixinto' is one word.

10. There is no such thing as 'lunch.' There is only dinner and then there is supper.

11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar.

12. Backwards and forwards means, 'I know everything about you.'

13. The word 'jeet' is actually a phrase meaning, 'Did you eat?'

14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH 'EM.

16. 'No.Jew?' is a common response to the question, 'Did you bring any beer?'

17. You measure distance in minutes.

18. You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.

19. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

20. You know what a 'DAWG' is.

21. You carry jumper cables in your car --- for your OWN car.

22. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, fajita, Tabasco and Ketchup.

23. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and high school football.

24. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

25. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit 'a bit warm.'

26. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.

27. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time known as goin' Wal-Martin' or 'off to Wally World.'

28. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good stew weather.

29. Fried catfish is the other white meat.

30. We don't need no dang driver's ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive,dag- nabbit.

31. "All y'all" is more than one person.

. Texans in Heaven


Gabriel went to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to you. We have some Texans up here who are causing problems…they're swinging on the Pearly Gates, my horn is missing, and they are wearing T-shirts instead of their robes.
There's barbecue sauce and Picante sauce all over everything, especially their T-shirts; their dogs are riding in the chariots and chasing the sheep; they are wearing baseball caps and cowboy hats instead of their halos.

They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clean, and their boots are marking and scuffing up the halls of Wisdom. There are watermelon seeds and tortilla chip crumbs all over the place. Some of them are walking around with just one wing; and they insist on bringing their horses with them."

The Lord said, "Texans are Texans, Gabriel. Heaven is home to all of my children. If you want to know about real problems, call the Devil."

So Gabriel calls the Devil who answers the phone and says, "Hello---hold on a minute."

When he returns to the phone the Devil says, "O.K., I'm back. What can I do for you? “

Gabriel replied, "I just want to know what kind of problems you are having down there with the Texans."

The Devil said, "Hold on again. I need to check on something."

After about 5 minutes the Devil returned to the phone and said. "I'm back. Now what was the question?"

Gabriel said, "What kind of problems are you having down there with the Texans?"

The Devil said, "Man, I don't believe this...hold on."

This time the Devil was gone 15 minutes and when he returns he says, "I'm sorry, Gabriel, I can't talk right now. Those Texans have put out the fire and are trying to install air conditioning..."


GOD BLESS TEXAS