Homeschool 101

What About Socialization?


This is probably the number one question homeschoolers hear either from those opposed to homeschooling or those considering it. To accurately answer this question, we must first determine the definition of socialization about which we're being asked. Following are a couple of dictionary definitions for the word
socialization:
a continuing process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behavior, and social skills appropriate to his or her social position. (1)


1. To place under government or group ownership or control.
2. To make fit for companionship with others; make sociable.
3. To convert or adapt to the needs of society. (2)

To make fit for companionship

Most people, when asking about socialization are referring to number 2 in the second citation -- playing, talking, and making friends, basically. The truth is, most homeschooled children don't live in a bubble. They're out in the world playing with kids in their neighborhoods, going to scouts or church, playing sports. There are plenty of opportunities for homeschooled kids to make friends. Aside from the potential for friendships available in normal, everyday life, there are lots of opportunities for homeschooled kids to meet up with friends through local homeschool support group activities and classes.

My kids are involved in church activities, football, basketball, swimming, baseball, music and art classes and much more. Do I involve my kids in outside activities just to provide them with chances to meet other kids? No, I just let them get involved in the things that interest them.

One of the really great things about "homeschool friendships" is that they have the potential to be much deeper relationships because they're based on common interests and bonds. They aren't simply based on the fact that these kids are in the same classroom together for several hours a day because their birthdays fall within the same 12-month period. Think about it. With how many of your former school mates are you still friends? How many of those in your circle of friends are people born within twelve months of you? My friends range in age from 21 to 40-something. Why should kids be any different? My eight-year-old son's friends range in age from 6 to 11. There is no way, if he were in a public school setting, that he would be friends with a second grader...or that a ninth grader would be friends with him! There's entirely too much social stigma involved in being friends with kids so much younger than yourself.

I'm not sure what aspect of public school that I would need to make my kids "fit for companionship." The bullying? The drugs? The school violence? Maybe it's standing in line? No, I think I can manage perfectly well on my own in making my kids fit for companionship...but now I'm probably starting to wander off into the definition in the first citation...

Learning the norms of society

This is probably where the "you've got to prepare kids for the real world" argument often comes in. The real world argument is probably the least logical of all anti-homeschooling arguments that I've heard, with the possible exception of "if you sent your kids to school you'd have more time for housework"! Let's look at this. What real world things are kids learning in school?

Bullying -- this is often known, in the "real world," as workplace harassment, assault and battery, or slander. What happens as a result of these behaviors in school? Often nothing. Occasionally a short suspension. Rarely, expulsion or removal to "alternative schooling." What is the result in the real world? Termination of employment, counseling, anger management classes, lawsuit or jail time.

Sexual harassment or indecent exposure -- in the real world, these issues are often dealt with through termination of employment, counseling, lawsuit or jail time. In the public school it's often ignored or dealt with lightly, as in the case of an Alabama boy who sexually molested a first grade girl and returned to school after a week's suspension. Or the case of the twelve-year-old boy (from PA, I think) who was moved from school to school for sexual harassment and ultimately raped three first grade boys after being left unattended outside a boys' restroom. Then, there were the fifth graders who decided to have sex in front of their classmates when they were left unattended in a classroom.

Add to these things school violence, kids bringing guns and knives to school, "candy meth" and other drugs, alcohol, sexual promiscuity in the hallways, rape, and other things unimaginable when I was in school and it's simply mindboggling. These things don't go on, under normal circumstances, in most people's "real worlds."

Deviant behavior aside, let’s looks at what's going on in the classrooms. Which is more preparation for the real world, talking about economics or going to the store and seeing first hand how prices are affected by things like supply and demand, rising gas prices, advertising, shop lifting, etc.? Or talking about agriculture vs. spending the day with a farmer? Talking about glass-blowing in ancient civilizations or going to meet a glass-blower? What is better preparation for the real world than living in it daily?

What is the best way to prepare a child to interact socially? Would that be to put the child in a room of 20 or more kids his same age for six hours a day, five days a week, nine months out of the year with one or two adults? Or, would it make more sense to have a one-on-one relationship with a loving adult who is there to correct misbehavior and encourage good behavior as its happening?

Do we really want our kids learning the norms, values, behavior and social skills of their peers or do we want those lessons to be based on our family's norms and values and our family's interpretation of socially acceptable behavior?

To place under government or group ownership or control

I really hope that this definition really doesn't need too much discussion. Why would we want to place our kids under government control? Do you know that the current public school movement was begun by Horace Mann and was set up to mirror the school system in Prussia -- modern-day Germany? The word kindergarten itself is German. If you're a Christian parent who is homeschooling or considering homeschooling. I recommend that you take stock of the things that the government has slowly, but systematically removed from public schools -- the Bible, prayer, the Ten Commandments.

Regardless of whether or not you're a Christian parent, you'll want to look at the things that are missing from today's public school system. There is little or no room in today's public school classroom for individuality and creativity. There is little room in today's public school system for kids whose minds are active or those who learn differently than the "average" students. These kids are often quickly labeled ADHD or learning disabled and are overlooked.

For the record, I don't blame these shortcomings on individual teachers. Most of them are wonderful, caring people and they're doing the best that they can for their kids, within the system. However, the system demands a lot. The system demands high test scores, so teachers are forced to "teach to the test." Innumerable hours are wasted teaching kids how to fill in bubbles, how to achieve desired performance on standardized tests and taking said tests. I find it interesting that homeschooled students consistently outscore their public schooled counterparts on standardized testing and we're not teaching to the test! Homeschooling moms have no idea what's going to be on these tests.

What does today's school system desire to produce, if not creative, innovative free thinkers? Once again, government-funded public schools really came into being during the industrial age when the U.S. needed lots of worker bees to operate its many industries. So, it was important that the workers know how to follow instruction, do things in groups or assembly line fashion and basic skills like reading and math were definitely a plus, though not totally necessary. I really enjoyed this speech by creativity expert, Sir Ken Robinson. It's really great food for thought on what's going on in today's educational system and what we consider the "basics" of a good education. If nothing else, he's a funny and very entertaining speaker, so your time will not be wasted in listening to him.

There is so much more that could be said about the "socialization" question, but to me this is really a non-issue. With recesses down to about twenty minutes a day (if a child doesn't have to sit out due to misbehavior) and lunch rooms becoming a "quiet zone" the socialization available in public schools is not the rosy picture some parents paint in their minds.

I'll leave you with a funny little look at socialization from a homeschooler's point of view.

"When my wife and I mention we are strongly considering homeschooling our children, we are without fail asked, 'But what about socialization?' Fortunately, we found a way our kids can receive the same socialization that government schools provide. On Mondays and Wednesdays, I will personally corner my son in the bathroom, give him a wedgie and take his lunch money. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, my wife will make sure to tease our children for not being in the 'in' crowd, taking special care to poke fun at any physical abnormalities. Fridays will be 'Fad and Peer Pressure Day.' We will all compete to see who has the coolest toys, the most expensive clothes, and the loudest, fastest, and most dangerous car. Every day, my wife and I will adhere to a routine of cursing and swearing in the hall and mentioning our weekend exploits with alcohol and immorality.... And we have asked them to report us to the authorities in the event we mention faith, religion, or try to bring up morals and values."