They say you should "learn something new every day". I am not sure who THEY are and I am not sure the items I have learned on any random day of late are of merit. BUT here it goes.
*It is about 9000 degrees here in Central Texas. It feels like it hasn't rained since Noah took off.
*You can not get a pedicure at 9am. Apparently this is a 10am -- or later -- activity. Who knew?
*The correct sentence is not - "Don't spill the juice on the laptop." It is "You may not drink the juice at the computer table." You would think I was a rookie, rather than a parenting veteran.
*Three’s are worse than two hands down and here is WHY…
a. Little girls get a wee bit emotional at three. Not a lot, just enough to turn your house into a soap opera.
b. All of a sudden – they get picky, picky, picky. After eating macaroni and cheese every other day their whole life, you hear: "Momma. I not gonna eat dese noodles. Dey haf cheese all over dem and dat's GROSS."
c. They're independent and doing more things for themselves, which means that doing anything now takes approximately forever.
d. They're smart. They’re self-aware enough to weigh the consequences and take what’s coming to them. Flooding the bathroom floor is totally worth the time out
*Are you ready to leave your house? Well, your children aren’t. Are you ready to walk down the street? Your children aren’t. Is it time for you to leave the playground? Well, your children really, really aren’t. And that's why we call it herding turtles
*Boys will act as if destruction and mayhem is their job. More than their job - their duty
*Basset Hounds can and will explode if they drink gallons of water…only mama’s have the ability to clean up the mess. At 12 am
Why didn’t mama hear the basset whine to go outside?
That’s easy, Mama took a tylenol pm and was in a coma…And the only reason she arouse at 12 am from her coma is because she too had to pee.
*Almond butter can remove gum out of hair as effectively as peanut butter.
*Triple A, is worth it. Kids get a cool ride in a tow truck.
*Kids who do not wear shoes outside will find a cactus to step in. Duct tape will help.
*All household cleaners (no matter the brand) will have an effect on your children. Examples;
a) clean the toilet= ICBM (in coming BM)
b) clean the floor=gravity will pull juice from your kids hands within seconds
c) clean the window=fingerprints will appear instantly
*It takes about 10 Lego's to stop a vacuum
So what have I learned from all this... There's no perfect set up. If you're a mom, work is just plain work, and there's no easy fix, no escape hatch, no perfect lifestyle. And as your babies just keep growing and evolving, their needs change, your needs change, and there are just gonna be days that involve adult beverages.
And ibuprofen. Lots and lots of ibuprofen!
