Dear New Mommy...

Here's a Few Things No One Told Me About Parenting


I had no idea what I was getting into. And nothing came close to really preparing me for becoming a parent. I read a lot of books and (almost) without exception, they were equal parts scary and not helpful. Truthfully, I wanted to be a mom so badly that no matter what anyone told me, I still would have done it. Here are a few tidbits I never heard and sort of wish I had.

Congratulations! Your life is now over. No one wants to hear this but it’s true. You’re probably not going to be the same person. Your life is all new. Some things that you liked doing will no longer be possible for you to enjoy. But don’t be sad. For some people, this is a good thing. For example, Redbull and vodka in the morning is probably not a great idea while breastfeeding.

Unless you are a supermodel, your body is not going to be the same. It doesn’t mean you won’t be able to still rock a bikini – but friend, it is what it is. You can’t pretend what happened didn’t just happen. And depending on how you had your baby (c-section or via Tunnel), you’re going to have different sets of surprises to deal with. I would get into specifics, but I just ate lunch.

Take heart! Results may vary. My friend Kelly has three kids and wears tight jeans that are white and looks amazing. But she may be a witch. We don’t know yet – we’re still waiting for lab results. Many of us look a little more well-nourished than we did pre-offspring. And that’s ok. We’re working on it, and we’re still sexy as a candy panda, just like before we had kids. Only in slightly bigger pants and wider shoes.

No matter how much you love being a parent, you’re not going to enjoy every minute of this gig. There are a million different ways to have a bad day as a parent. And honestly, I didn’t even know what a bad day felt like until I had one where something went very wrong with one of my kids. And in addition to the suckage of having a craptastic day, you have the added sensation of maternal guilt because all you really want is an early bedtime so you can melt into the couch for a few hours. No matter how crazy in love you are with your kids, you may occasionally feel like you want to run screaming for the exits. It doesn't make you a bad person or a bad parent, it makes you normal.

You will find yourself losing your Mind. Even if you are the calmest, most yoga-doing, centered person – even if you are the Gandhi of mommies – you will find yourself standing in your kitchen, covered with spit-up or yellow poo, slamming things and shrieking at your husband like a crazy person.

You may have never uttered a cross word to each other before, but trust me – there will come a moment when there is a baby non-stop crying and you not sleeping and there’s nothing for dinner and someone came home late and you will hear, "what do you mean you forgot to pay Verizon this month?!" And you will want to make sure you can’t get your hands on any sharp objects. The good news is you now know this moment is coming. Once it passes you and your beloved baby-daddy can look at each other and say: “Oh. Wow. We just had that fight. Let’s drink a beer…

People are going to say stupid things. I am constantly amazed at the things people think it’s OK to say. And this is coming from me -- someone who says all kinds of stupid stuff daily. Maybe these folks don’t know that what they’re saying is stupid. Maybe they don’t care. Here’s what I suggest – when someone says something like: “You should snatch that pacifier right out of her mouth. Here, let me do it for you. Wait, I’ll just wipe my hands off first – I was cutting up some raw chicken.” Just walk away. Just smile and nod and back away as fast as you can. Meanwhile scream the following at them but only with your eyes: “YOU ARE MOONBAT, SPITTING CHERRY PITS CRAZY AND YOU MAY NOT TOUCH MY BABY, SALMONELLA HANDS!”

The Blur is real. You know what The Blur is? It’s like that feeling you used to have the day after a really bad hangover. When everything seemed a little fuzzy and you couldn’t remember where you left your panties keys. The feeling of being inside The Blur is a lot like that, except its more intense and it lasts for about 15 years.

It’s kind of scary. I now live in a world where I have something to lose. Pre-kids, I usually put my own needs at the top of my to-do list and was vapid enough to think that nothing really bad could ever happen to me. But right after I became a mom, I had this horrible epiphany - bad things can happen. Danger is real. I am all that is keeping something dreadful from happening to this tiny, little, precious critter. Holy crap. Were cars always this dangerous? Did they always go in reverse? How are we supposed to get home from the hospital in a way that is 100% safe from collision? Wait. Were there always sex offenders everywhere? There’s what in the milk at the store? And my apples are coated with what? GAHHHH!!!

It all sort of boils down to one truth, which is of course the one thing that everyone does tell you: You will love your kids so much that you’ll do anything for them. So even if it drives you slightly moon-batty in the process, you'll find yourself a deeply-changed, usually much improved person. Clarification - a better person surrounded by cuteness that will never learn to clean its room.

The Lamothe House

New Orleans has a ton of places to stay in the French Quarter, a ton.  We wanted to stay at a place that was close enough to the Quarter, but yet still quiet at night to rest.  If you don't know by now New Orleans is open 24/7.  And being a person that likes to go to bed at Memaw O'clock I really like it quiet.  That being said, we decided on the Lamothe House due to location, cost and perks.  If you visit Book It you can get a good percentage off the cost, plus FREE parking and FREE breakfast.  Most of the other places charge up to $30 a day for parking and at least $20 per person for breakfast, in total for 3 days that is $90 in parking and $120 for breakfast in all $210 for nothing.  Parking is in a secure parking lot, the gates are locked at midnight and they have 24  hours surveillance.  Still do not leave valuables in your car.  Get there early, the parking lot does fill up fast, maybe 20 cars can fit.  Remember it is the French Quarter, you are in a historic district, that equals no spare space. So if you are not early you will have to park on the street.   But the good news is you do not have to go far for fun, EASY walking.

The Lamothe house is located on 621 Esplanade Street, which is only a short (1/2 block) to Frenchmen Street.  Frenchmen Street is where the locals hang out for great Jazz.  Only 2 blocks up will get you to the French market, easy!  The blocks are small to walk, not a large city block.  And the best part is that they are perfectly safe, I didn't feel uneasy the whole time walking to our room at night.

The Lamothe house is broke down into 2 housing units.  The Lamothe is on Esplanade and the other unit, the Marigny (mary-nee) is located right behind the Lamothe on Kerlerec. Parking is located on that street as well. 

Here is the corridor leading up to the rooms.  We stayed here at the Marigny.  All doors are on the outside you don't have to enter the main building to go in, the same is true for the Lamothe. 

Here was our room, we shared the mini patio.  If we wanted extra privacy we could close and lock the shutters. 

Now remember this is a historic home, but it had all the modern conveniences as a hotel chain.  We did have a hair dryer, ironing board with iron, TV all though small with cable, A/C all the norm.  It didn't have a coffee pot, so I brought my own.  This is the little mud room entering into our bedroom, colored in Taco Cabana blue, hey its a Creole style house and they LOVE color.  The lighting in our bedroom is dim, we had 3 lamps.  So I couldn't get a great picture, plus no one wants to see an unmade bed.   Our room was a Queen size bedroom and it cost $76 for a night.  They do have what is called a regular room and that is $64 and a King Suite which is $129 all are Book it prices.  Also kids stay free and our 3 could easily sleep in our room with air mattress.  Plenty of room!

The bathroom is small and the doors are SHUTTERS..  I loved this.  If you haven't broken the "potty pack" with your significant other, this is walking the line.  There is not a bathtub in this room, only a shower.

Towels are changed out daily, sheets are not unless you request.

There is a door on the opposite side of the street that lets you into the Lamothe house through the courtyard.  Breakfast is served daily from 6:30-10:00, it is not fancy.  They have cereals, juice, coffee, fruit and some pastries.  But you do sit at a fancy table in the parlor.    The courtyard is so nice and quiet with the pool and koi pond.  These people in the pool were funny, the older women wanted me to bring her back a strawberry mojito....

Koi pond

There you have it, my review of a great house! We will stay here every time we are in New Orleans!

Here is their website for more information.

http://www.lamothehouse.com/

My new Love...

I found a new love in New Orleans.
I can't tell you what I loved the most no children, nonsense or clothes to deal with, I just loved it all.  From the jazz played on every street, the delicious food, the architecture in all the houses, the history and then the humbling experience of seeing what Katrina did and the resurrection of greatness.  It is now my new favorite place! 

Let me begin by saying that when we plan a trip I like to stay some place local, not some big name hotel chain.  This place is definitely it, the Lamothe House on Esplanade St..  I will go in detail later, lots to talk about and show.  A perfect place to stay, close enough to the Quarter, but far enough to get some rest...

By far this moment at the cathedral was my all time favorite moment.  The sun was covered up by a cloud, so the picture taking was prime.  Andy and I ran up to the observation deck and snapped a photo when the 12 o'clock bells began to chime.  Directly behind us sits the Mississippi River and a solo saxophone player was playing a tune on the river walk...So perfect and romantic! 

Loved, Loved all the Balconies in the Quarter. 

The famous Bourbon Street.  Lots of sights there ( I'll just leave it at that and let your imagination take you there. Chances are you would be right)  Never the less, Bourbon street is only a tiny part of the great city.

The city park with lots of old oak trees and Spanish moss.  It just makes you want to grab a blanket and lay under them for hours.  Ride the street car and you can get there for $1.25, seniors pay .40 all day!

There are 41 above ground cemetery's they all look very similar to this  Recently they just added below ground burials due to new pumping stations.  Going through the cemetery you literally took a walk back in time, we saw some that were from the 1700's.

The home of JAZZ.  Jazz music is everywhere in the restaurants on the streets and even parades that march wherever they please. 

People in New Orleans do not eat to live, they LIVE to eat. Dieting is not recommended.  Here are a few of my favorites the Muffeletta, this is a whole sandwich.  Make sure you split it with someone

Or how about some beignets and coffee, delish

Don't forget the drinks.  Pat O'Brians invented the Hurricane

But I prefer Lafitte's version better.  They are both great, I just like Lafitte's it has more of a pineapple taste where as Pat's is more fruit punch. 

Or how about a Margarita in Margaritaville

Just a word of warning, the liquor flows freely.  The fruit is about the only coloring in the drinks.  If you are a light drinker, one will do you just fine and you will be buzzing llike a bee.  But if you want 2, they have taxi's everywhere. 

I have so much to tell you that this is only the bumper sticker version.  But I do plan on going back at the end of July and I will be taking the kids. So feel free to join us... 

Hall Pass

I've got a hall pass. A reprieve. Time off for good behavior. Or maybe it's just that Momma and Daddy have finally lost their minds and the kids need to ship them off to get fixed!

So Wednesday, we are leaving town for five glorious days of no kids!

An extra long weekend where I will not be a mommy, a cook, a walking laundromat, the woman with all the answers. I will be totally kept out of the loop. I can not wait for the simple pleasures of not have kids going number two while I'm a hostage in the shower, and no coffee that's been reheated twenty times because I can't stop long enough to finish it. I can revisit my old friend SLEEP with no nonsense at 6:00 in the morning. Or maybe we can have dinner without looking at the kids menu first. The possibilities are endless…

So you may not see many posts from me this week. I will be thinking of you no, not really while I'm enjoying myself. I won't even think about my motley crew and what they might be doing to my mother’s house. I figure it's a 50/50 probability I'll come home to a battle scene from Braveheart.

But today, I don't care. For today, I pack!

Make Offer

Today we went to a friends house.
She offered my kiddos some stickers they could not refuse. 
The boys decorated their sister with thus said stickers. 
And then this poem came to mind....

    Sister for Sale, by Shell Silverstein

"One sister for sale! One sister for sale!
One crying and spying young sister for sale!
I’m really not kidding, So who’ll start the bidding?
Do I hear a dollar? A nickel? A penny?
Oh, isn’t there, isnt’ there, isn’t there any
One kid who will buy this old sister for sale,
This crying and spying young sister for sale?"

This is what they stuck on their sister....

It says "MAKE OFFER"

Lucky 13

My beloved is mine and I am his...

I would marry you all over again....but this time we would elope!

The Kiss

I'm in a Memory-Lane kinda mood....
We had a small wedding, and there were a mind-numbing number of details. I spent the better part of six months making sure it would all go off flawlessly. I was stressed-out and jumpy, and I was a control freak to such a degree that it's remarkable Andy still married me.

On my list of Wedding Details That Needed To Be Managed was "the kiss". The you-may-kiss-the-bride kiss. I suggested to Andy that we should rehearse it. We had plenty of kissing experience, goodness knows, but that was a very important kiss. What if we clocked each other in the nose in front of all the people? What if, out of nervousness, the kiss was passionless and dull? What if I started laughing?

Andy had the nerve to say no. We wouldn't rehearse. We'd kiss plenty, and every now and then I'd say, "so, will it be like that?" But he would just smile and shrug, much to my dismay, and my pleas fell on deaf ears. I started to worry he had some lovey-dovey mischief up his sleeve, and I reminded him that my family would be sitting in the first row.

Still, he just grinned. "It'll be a good kiss," he promised. Even then, that man knew how to mess with me.

On our wedding day, things were perfect. Despite my preoccupation with the details, I managed to stay quite focused during the ceremony. I wasn't nervous at all. Until our pastor said, "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

I had exactly .7 seconds to think half a nervous thought.

Because then he kissed me.

That kiss, my friends, was The Kiss To End All Kisses. While the specific details of it are meant for my memories only, I'll tell you that I didn't just feel that kiss on my lips. I felt it inside my brain, the very brain that had tried (unsuccessfully) to talk me out of falling in love with this man so quickly. I felt it inside the belly that would someday carry our three babies. It traveled all the way down to my feet, the feet that would happily follow him everywhere and in between.

It was a good kiss.

And thankfully, Andy didn't pack that kiss away with the box of wedding keepsakes that sit in my attic. Every now and then, it reappears. He'll walk in the door from work, usually on a day when my hair is greasy and the kids are fighting and dinner is burned and he'll plant that same kiss right back on me. My knees go just as weak as they did 13 years ago.

It's still a good kiss!